Received a blatant B-list invitation BY PHONE BY PROXY, what to do?

[aephi alum]

Background: My husband and the groom became friends in grade school and have kept in touch. MIL and the groom's mother are BFFs. The groom met a woman and they're getting married in October.

The planned celebrations are ...
- Bachelor party in Vegas, to which my husband was invited. We know the man planning the bachelor party, and he would make "Californication" look like a church picnic. DH turned him down as he is not into hookers and coke.
- Bachelorette party and/or shower - I don't know if these are happening, as I don't know the bride and I would therefore be excluded.
- Engagement party (here's where the shit hits the fan)
- Wedding in October.

The RSVP date for the engagement party was August 5. On August 8, we got a phone call from my MIL, who'd gotten a call from the mother of the groom. We were all suddenly invited to the engagement party and the wedding.

Today (August 9) we received a formal invitation to the wedding. The postmark read August 6.

The groom's family is playing the "your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail" card. Funny how my in-laws' invitation got "lost in the mail" too. The USPS is not THAT incompetent!

What to do? We've already RSVP'd yes to the engagement party and plan on attending the wedding. I am sorely tempted to skimp on the gift, but that would only hurt the groom (I couldn't give two shits about the bride or her family or the groom's family). Perhaps I could ship them something via Am@zon and have it get "lost in the mail"? *evil*

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

Background: My husband and the groom became friends in grade school and have kept in touch. MIL and the groom's mother are BFFs. The groom met a woman and they're getting married in October.

The planned celebrations are ...
- Bachelor party in Vegas, to which my husband was invited. We know the man planning the bachelor party, and he would make "Californication" look like a church picnic. DH turned him down as he is not into hookers and coke.
- Bachelorette party and/or shower - I don't know if these are happening, as I don't know the bride and I would therefore be excluded.
- Engagement party (here's where the shit hits the fan)
- Wedding in October.

The RSVP date for the engagement party was August 5. On August 8, we got a phone call from my MIL, who'd gotten a call from the mother of the groom. We were all suddenly invited to the engagement party and the wedding.

Today (August 9) we received a formal invitation to the wedding. The postmark read August 6.

The groom's family is playing the "your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail" card. Funny how my in-laws' invitation got "lost in the mail" too. The USPS is not THAT incompetent!

What to do? We've already RSVP'd yes to the engagement party and plan on attending the wedding. I am sorely tempted to skimp on the gift, but that would only hurt the groom (I couldn't give two shits about the bride or her family or the groom's family). Perhaps I could ship them something via Am@zon and have it get "lost in the mail"? *evil*

I'm a big fan of the donation to a charity they care about in their name. That way, they get nothing, but can't bitch about it.

[ellebud]

Your mother in law is best friends with the groom's mom? Think of this as your opportunity to score major points with your mil. You are the lady here: go to the shower/engagement/wedding. Buy one nice present. Give the present at the shower in front of both ladies. You will get major props from the mother of the groom (Why couldn't my son have such a terrific woman?) and your husband's mother.

You have the opportunity to be the best woman standing.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I'm a big fan of the donation to a charity they care about in their name. That way, they get nothing, but can't bitch about it.

Originally Posted by ellebud

Your mother in law is best friends with the groom's mom? Think of this as your opportunity to score major points with your mil. You are the lady here: go to the shower/engagement/wedding. Buy one nice present. Give the present at the shower in front of both ladies. You will get major props from the mother of the groom (Why couldn't my son have such a terrific woman?) and your husband's mother.

You have the opportunity to be the best woman standing.

this is a good idea but the evil in me would be way more drawn to DBB's idea...

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by ellebud

You have the opportunity to be the best woman standing.

Ellebud you are my hero, . . . and you need an advice column.

[AOII Angel]

Sounds like the mother of the groom and groom were pissed when they found out y'all were not invited. I would especially thinkso if your MIL and the groom's mom are BFFs and she didnt get an invite either. I wouldn't take it too personally. Mistakes happen with wedding planning.

[aephi alum]

I can't give a gift at the shower (if there even is one) because I was excluded. But there is the engagement party . . .

And this was no mistake. The MOG has been blabbing for months about how this was going to be the wedding of the century, they were pulling out all the stops, it's black tie (meaning DH will have to rent a tux) and "we're really looking forward to seeing you there if there's room for you". And the RSVP date for the engagement party (for which we never did receive a formal snail-mailed invitation) was August 5, and the wedding invitation was postmarked August 6. I smell a very large rat.

Ugh, and we're probably going to be seated with my in-laws.

Start the Tanqueray IV now.

[DrPhil]

aephi alum, I highly recommend not devoting this much thought and frustration to something that really has little to do with you. It is their wedding, they are not even an official part of your family, so let them be the ones thinking and being frustrated about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that pertains to their wedding.

Attend what you're invited to if you give half of a darn, contribute a donation or gift that does not surpass your monthly budget, and be done with it. You have more important things to devote attention to.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

aephi alum, I highly recommend not devoting this much thought and frustration to something that really has little to do with you. It is their wedding, they are not even an official part of your family, so let them be the ones thinking and being frustrating about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that pertains to their wedding.

Attend what you're invited to if you give half of a darn, contribute a donation or gift that does not surpass your monthly budget, and be done with it. You have more important things to devote attention to.

I agree.

[WCsweet<3]

My boyfriend and I had a very similar situation. The groom loved scotch. We got him a very nice bottle of it and ignored the fact that the bride does not like alcohol.

[DZsis&mom]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

"we're really looking forward to seeing you there if there's room for you".

I would not be offended by this.

For my nephew's wedding, they sent out the first round of invites & had to wait for RSVP's. As they started getting "No's", they would send out more invites. They only had so much space & if everyone they wanted to invite (even the distant relatives) came, there would not have been enough room at the venue.

Of course I was in the first round because I was the favorite Aunt !!!!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by agzg

I agree.

I'm not really a baby shower, wedding, (insert other formality) person. If these events must occur, and I am a mere attendee, they need to occur with as little of my time and effort as possible.

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

My boyfriend and I had a very similar situation. The groom loved scotch. We got him a very nice bottle of it and ignored the fact that the bride does not like alcohol.

If the purpose was to make him happy, COOL but you know that could spark a couple's argument.

If the purpose was to piss her off, UNCOOL and you all put forth more mental effort than necessary.

At the end of the day, the couple is responsible for their quirks and arguments. But, I firmly believe that all outsiders (including family members) need to remain outsiders. Sometimes that means not attending an event or playing the backseat if necessary. Choose whatever you (in general) choose and be done with it.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I'm not really a baby shower, wedding, (insert other formality) person. If these events must occur, they need to occur with as little of my time and effort as possible. That is one reason why my friends love


If the purpose was to make him happy, COOL but you know that could spark a couple's argument.

If the purpose was to piss her off, UNCOOL and you all put forth more mental effort than necessary.

At the end of the day, the couple is responsible for their quirks and arguments. But, I firmly believe that all outsiders (including family members) need to remain outsiders. Sometimes that means not attending an event or playing the backseat if necessary. Choose whatever you (in general) choose and be done with it.

No it wouldn't spark an argument. She doesn't like the taste of alcohol and is fine with the groom drinking.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

No it wouldn't spark an argument. She doesn't like the taste of alcohol and is fine with the groom drinking.

Cool.

"...and ignored the fact that the bride does not like alcohol" can mean many things.

[AOII Angel]

I agree with Dr.Phil. Go, eat their food, drink their wine, enjoy their music and don't spend any time worrying about any slights. You're already married, so you don't have to worry about whether or not you'd have to invite them to your wedding.