Friend zone or endzone????

[33girl]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

If a man treats me too buddy-buddy, then my interest dies. Maybe it's because I think my feelings for him won't be returned so he's less appealing. But I do know that a man starting to relax a bit after we've know each other awhile is a sign that he's getting comfortable with me (not to be confused with just getting lazy, that looks a little differently). But to be that lax from the beginning doesn't say "I'm comfortable with you." It says "I don't have to show you the best of me because you're my homegirl." There are other ways to end up in the friend zone but those are the main2 for me.

So so so agree!! That's the other guy thing that drives me nuts - "if she was really looking for a solid relationship she wouldn't care how I dress/what I drive/if I shave etc etc etc." Yet if I didn't show up nicely dressed, perfumed and made up, he'd say I was a slob. No you don't have to go full out metrosexual, but for the love of all that's holy, wear something on the date other than your work polo shirt with the company logo on it. I cared enough to bring different clothes along and change, you should too.

p.s.: I don't really care what a guy drives, but you probably should clean the crap off the seat before I sit in it.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by I2K Beta Mu

Hey Cheerful, I feel you on some things, but it's pretty much all about chemistry. If you don't have that, how do you expect it to work? You feel me? I see your point, but you can't have friendship, attraction, or a decent relationship without chemistry. You see where I'm coming from?

No, it is not all about chemistry. Maybe for you and others on here, but not for me. It’s just that there isn’t anything specific that you (in general) can point at to sustain it. Chemistry does not add up to long-term relationship, commitment does. If you are honest with yourself, you don’t know enough about your date to know if you like that person or not. Dating to me is just a "go see" -nothing more, nothing less. It's easy to feel chemistry early when the relationship is new. I am speaking of long-term maintenance. I just think that falling into predictable patterns and mediocrity will cause that "chemistry" you once had (or thought you had) to fizzle, big time. In other words, the two of you have to mix it up. Keep dating after the courtship has begun. I mean, the dating and romance must continue even after the connection has been solidified. Both partners must continue to grow so that you will always be discovering something new about each other. It's not just about being interested, it is also about being interesting. I just think that continuing to date the person you've connected to keeps the romance alive between a woman and a man who are in love.

I don’t care how much you have in common, how much chemistry you think you have, how many similarities you have, how much friendship is involved, how attracted you are to each other, or how well the two of you communicate, -if what you started in the beginning (that was brought on by "chemistry") is not maintained throughout the relationship, the entire foundation of whatever your relationship is based on will get weak, and your relationship will eventually fall apart. Time spent together intentionally should still be at the top of the priority list. I just believe that you should set aside certain times just to connect –time to get in touch and, if necessary, get reacquainted, because strangers cannot make love work. The "dating/romance" has to continue after the relationship has started. Just because you are now either dating exclusively or married does not mean this should stop. The way I see it, most of us do not give people enough time to become attractive in our eyes. To me, the most sustainable chemistry is one that builds slowly. I am in no rush to do anything when it comes to a mate/potential husband, because I don’t select a mate the way most people do. My selection process is different because my purpose for D&R is different. Like I said, to each its own.

[33girl]

Chemistry isn't just sex, or even anything sexual. If I can't connect with a guy (or anyone) intellectually on some level, I can't spend time with them. And no, I don't mean are they as smart as me, do they have a degree blah blah blah. If I'm hanging out with someone and have to explain every joke, every reference, every reason I'm laughing, it is going to be very heavy sledding - no matter how nice or "qualified" they are or how much you "commit" to making the relationship work.

[I2K Beta Mu]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No, it is not all about chemistry. Maybe for you and others on here, but not for me. It’s just that there isn’t anything specific that you (in general) can point at to sustain it. Chemistry does not add up to long-term relationship, commitment does. If you are honest with yourself, you don’t know enough about your date to know if you like that person or not. Dating to me is just a "go see" -nothing more, nothing less. It's easy to feel chemistry early when the relationship is new. I am speaking of long-term maintenance. I just think that falling into predictable patterns and mediocrity will cause that "chemistry" you once had (or thought you had) to fizzle, big time. In other words, the two of you have to mix it up. Keep dating after the courtship has begun. I mean, the dating and romance must continue even after the connection has been solidified. Both partners must continue to grow so that you will always be discovering something new about each other. It's not just about being interested, it is also about being interesting. I just think that continuing to date the person you've connected to keeps the romance alive between a woman and a man who are in love.

I don’t care how much you have in common, how much chemistry you think you have, how many similarities you have, how much friendship is involved, how attracted you are to each other, or how well the two of you communicate, -if what you started in the beginning (that was brought on by "chemistry") is not maintained throughout the relationship, the entire foundation of whatever your relationship is based on will get weak, and your relationship will eventually fall apart. Time spent together intentionally should still be at the top of the priority list. I just believe that you should set aside certain times just to connect –time to get in touch and, if necessary, get reacquainted, because strangers cannot make love work. The "dating/romance" has to continue after the relationship has started. Just because you are now either dating exclusively or married does not mean this should stop. The way I see it, most of us do not give people enough time to become attractive in our eyes. To me, the most sustainable chemistry is one that builds slowly. I am in no rush to do anything when it comes to a mate/potential husband, because I don’t select a mate the way most people do. My selection process is different because my purpose for D&R is different. Like I said, to each its own.

Okay I see you. You're looking at it from more of a bigger picture. That's cool, though.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Chemistry isn't just sex, or even anything sexual. If I can't connect with a guy (or anyone) intellectually on some level, I can't spend time with them. And no, I don't mean are they as smart as me, do they have a degree blah blah blah. If I'm hanging out with someone and have to explain every joke, every reference, every reason I'm laughing, it is going to be very heavy sledding - no matter how nice or "qualified" they are or how much you "commit" to making the relationship work.

I don't think anybody is really talking about sex, but since you brought it up, for me that is apart of the chemistry. If she's all holy n shit, I can't fuck with her. I like to have sex. I don't get all into saving myself to marry and I don't want a female who's into that shit either.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by I2K Beta Mu

Okay I see you. You're looking at it from more of a bigger picture.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No, it is not all about chemistry. Maybe for you and others on here, but not for me. It’s just that there isn’t anything specific that you (in general) can point at to sustain it. Chemistry does not add up to long-term relationship, commitment does. If you are honest with yourself, you don’t know enough about your date to know if you like that person or not. Dating to me is just a "go see" -nothing more, nothing less. It's easy to feel chemistry early when the relationship is new. I am speaking of long-term maintenance. I just think that falling into predictable patterns and mediocrity will cause that "chemistry" you once had (or thought you had) to fizzle, big time. In other words, the two of you have to mix it up. Keep dating after the courtship has begun. I mean, the dating and romance must continue even after the connection has been solidified. Both partners must continue to grow so that you will always be discovering something new about each other. It's not just about being interested, it is also about being interesting. I just think that continuing to date the person you've connected to keeps the romance alive between a woman and a man who are in love.

I don’t care how much you have in common, how much chemistry you think you have, how many similarities you have, how much friendship is involved, how attracted you are to each other, or how well the two of you communicate, -if what you started in the beginning (that was brought on by "chemistry") is not maintained throughout the relationship, the entire foundation of whatever your relationship is based on will get weak, and your relationship will eventually fall apart. Time spent together intentionally should still be at the top of the priority list. I just believe that you should set aside certain times just to connect –time to get in touch and, if necessary, get reacquainted, because strangers cannot make love work. The "dating/romance" has to continue after the relationship has started. Just because you are now either dating exclusively or married does not mean this should stop. The way I see it, most of us do not give people enough time to become attractive in our eyes. To me, the most sustainable chemistry is one that builds slowly. I am in no rush to do anything when it comes to a mate/potential husband, because I don’t select a mate the way most people do. My selection process is different because my purpose for D&R is different. Like I said, to each its own.

I couldn't agree more.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

It's not just about being interested, it is also about being interesting.

[I2K Beta Mu]

I think this is one of those threads where everybody has their own agenda of what fits them. I've got mine, folks have theirs. I think it just comes down to what attracts you to the dude or female and what doesn't.