bump b/c there's been a lot of threads along these lines lately...

I got cut from XYZ house here on my campus and it really shocked me--I felt like I had really fit in there and had an amazing time and I couldn't imagine why they had cut me. I still don't know to this day why it happened: since then, I have had the opportunity to get to know even more amazing XYZ sisters and I know they made a mistake by cutting me because I am absolutely certain I would have fit in there. But it doesn't matter--after they cut me, I moved on and was extremely pleased to discover that Alpha Chi Omega appreciated me from the beginning and recognized all the great qualities in me that XYZ apparently missed. And XYZ happened to take a few rather...unsavory...girls in my dorm, as well; some of the less enthusiastic and bitchier ones. Oh well. AXO is my home, it's where I was meant to be from the beginning, and getting cut from XYZ and discovering that really helped me grow as a person and realize that the system just isn't perfect and you can't take it personally. I mean, how well can you really get to know someone from a 20 minutes conversation about where they grew up and what dormitory they live in?

Also, I don't agree with the notion that if you get cut from your favorite house you should drop out and try again next year. If they don't want you once, why would they want you later? And why would you want to be with a group of girls who didn't appreciate you the first time they met you? Have some self-respect, and examine why you want to be in a sorority in the first place. Most people who have their hearts set on one place feel that way because it's the "best" with the "hottest" girls that frats like the most. What the hell? You shouldn't join a sorority because you want to be in a brothel. Look for girls who appreciate you and trust the system to find you the group you belong with, regardless of what the frats think of them.

While it's great that you found your home in Alpha Chi Omega, it really isn't necessary to bad mouth the house that didn't take you or the girls that they decided to take.

It doesn't make you or anyone look good.

First of all, I want to say that I believe in maximizing options and NOT dropping out just because a PNM doesn't get invited to the favorite house.

Second, and this depends on campus culture, I fully support a PNM going through recruitment a second time because it could be possible that somehow the PNM just fell through the cracks the first time around. And why do you assume that the PNM would want to even be in her previous top house? Opinions can change over a period of time. I've read many stories here where PNMs had a change of heart and eventually found their home in another house.

You don't know the reasons why the PNM was cut, so you really shouldn't assume that just because they cut you the first time, they'll cut you again.

While I don't doubt the fact that some PNMs go through recruitment for superficial reasons, it's very wrong of you to say that a PNM going through it a second time has no self-respect. :rolleyes: PNMs fall in love with a house for reasons you don't even know, and it really isn't your place to question their integrity -- even if they may be setting themselves up for disappointment.

Finally, I won't even touch on your brothel comment.

That is all.

I agree, OTW, I just think that it's better to be open-minded and really examine the sororities that you have left rather than saying, "Oh, XYZ cut me, so I'm dropping out--screw all these other houses." I'm not saying there's never a situtaion where it is in the PNM's best interest to drop out and try again, I'm just saying in my experience, a lot of girls dropped out for the wrong reasons. They had houses left that were GREAT fits for them but dropped out because they weren't "the best" houses--and "the best" houses weren't necessarily places that I think they would have felt at home in.

PS: I didn't badmouth the house that didn't take me. In fact, I said nothing but positive things about them, although I do think they took a few girls they will regret taking. I still like them a lot and still feel that they would have made an amazing home for me--I'm definitely NOT trying to be negative about them, obviously I still like them or I wouldn't be saying that I still think I fit in with them, even though they cut me.

Thanks

As a Penn State Student in the Greek System myself-I must agree...Penn State is way too small a school after a while...don't worry about it, though....

Rejected
 

I have heard very few stories of people not getting a bid for the organization, in fact it is much more common for people to get 2 or 3 bids. One story does stick out. A girl cheated with the boyfriend of one of the sisters. The couple broke up after days of the cheating, broken up by the guy. The sister was an alumnus, and despite their differencies the girl and the sister became friends, but despite this fact the other sisters put their noses where they didn't belong and did not give this girl a bid, even though it was her one desire during college. She went to almost every rush event for 2 weeks but because of this one event (yes it is pretty big) she was not given a bid and treated very poorly by the sisters. Essentially they sisters had made up their mind before they even met the girl.

Now if one does not get a bid i have to think that they did something to anger the members of the organization. It has been my experience that organizations want numbers right off the bat. Thats what the pledging process is for so that you have a chance to personalyl interact with someone and truely find out their character. You cant learn everything about someone during rush, especially if your opinion of them is already tainted

It doesn't sound like you're very familiar with NPC recruitment.

I went through formal once, got cut the night before pref, and was not invited to any sisterhoods during COB. It stings very much, even now. This thread, in the very beginning, damn near made me give up my greek hopes. I would like to rush again in the fall (Spring Recruitment wasn't an option for me), but I will be living in my own apartment, and credit wise I will be a junior. I will be here another three years because I am not yet accepted into my major's main program. I'm afraid that the sororities will see my 'junior' status and completely shut me down because of it. It's a likely possibility.

This thread is certainly dampening to a PNM's spirit.

The good part about your next three years is that you'll have an opportunity to explain your unique academic situation to your recruiters. The reason they usually go for freshmen and sophomores is for that three year window. Now you have it. You're not going anywhere anytime soon. I think you should try again.

I understand that a lot of the discussion in this thread is a total downer to a PNM, but a lot of it is true. This thread was created to serve as a reality check for PNMs with really unrealistic expectations (e.g. the beauty queens with 4.0s who can't understand why no sorority would want them despite their nasty personalities, or the tatted up biker chick PNM rushing at a traditional southern campus, etc.) A lot of what's discussed here is really just common sense....

Don't let a thread on an internet message board cloud your opinion on Greek life. None of us know your school. It's up to you to sort through all the advice and opinions on Greek chat and decide for yourself what's applicable to your situation. If you're rushing as a junior at a traditional Greek system where 99% of the PNMs are freshmen, you're not going to be placed. If you're rushing as a junior at a very laid back school with a small and very open Greek system then you might have a better shot, and there are all sorts of schools that are in between. This thread is not meant to be all encompassing for every situation -- some women are able to relate to some of these stories and this information is completely irrelevant for others. Take a brutally honest look at your situation and decide for yourself.

^^You're so good at talks like that

Maybe I've misunderstood, but from what I've read here on Greek Chat, isn't it possible - though perhaps not likely - to receive more than one snap bid during formal? And can't a woman receive separate bids to different NPC chapters during COR/informal recruitment?

Maybe. However, this comment "She went to almost every rush event for 2 weeks..." sounds typical of NPC's COR or informal recruitment. Perhaps that is one of the ways some/all of the NPC chapters recruit on his campus.

On my campus, it was possible to receive multiple snap bids or informal recruitment bids. However, it was not possible to receive multiple formal recruitment bids.

I also have issue with "You did something wrong, that's why you were cut." But those of us who WERE cut will not know what that specific thing IS because we will never be told. How do we accept that, then expect to improve on it if we know nothing about what got us cut in the first place? Maybe it was my being too shy, or it very well could have been my pants were from old navy instead of Saks. The advice is so vague it's barely worth looking at.

I think you missed where achiosnap said:

"Don't let a thread on an internet message board cloud your opinion on Greek life. None of us know your school. It's up to you to sort through all the advice and opinions on Greek chat and decide for yourself what's applicable to your situation."

Yeah, I guess if you put it that way, in those instances it's possible. But it certainly is very possible to not get a bid during informal since spots in chapters are often very limited in number. It doesn't sound like this guy really understands the way sorority recruitment - formal or informal - works.

Then don't look at it. That's kind of what I was getting at.

PNMs will never know why they're cut. It's not just because membership selection can't be discussed. It's because a lot of times the members themselves don't even know all the reasons. It's not like a sorority will hold up a picture of a PNM during voting and everyone will be like "OMG she wore Old Navy instead of True Religion jeans, she is SO cut."

Unless a PNM is a complete basketcase or is known as the biggest ho on campus, there's almost never one specific reason a PNM is cut. Suffice it to say, sometimes there's nothing you can do to "improve" because you probably don't need to improve... it's either a bad match or there are a limited number of spaces and the sorority has to take the best matches first.

This is a really bad analogy but here goes: pretend a man is trying to win your heart. He may be really nice, funny, cute, whatever but something just doesn't "click" with you. He's still a really great person, and you wish the best for him, but he's just not right for you. There's nothing he'd be able to do to "improve" so you'd be more likely to date him. It's not about his jeans or his shyness. It's just not a good personality match. A lot of times PNMs just don't click with a sorority either and it's not personal.

I hope that maybe sheds a little bit of perspective on this....you're only going to make yourself crazy if you try to figure out what you did "wrong" and get discouraged by anecdotes relayed on Greek Chat. I re-read your recruitment story and your posts since you tried COB and I know this has been really hard for you. If you want to try recruitment again, you probably shouldn't keep reading the bad rush stories and the "why you got cut" threads because it's only going to freak you out. These threads are only designed to give PNMs an "aha" moment as to why they got cut ("Oh, so Ole Miss sororities wouldn't bid a pregnant junior with a 2.2 GPA?"). If the advice doesn't make sense to you, it's probably because it doesn't apply.

You might also want to add "too much airing of grievances on GreekChat" to that list.

Just sayin'. Especially if the PNM is going to make another attempt to rush and hopes to be successful this time around.

Wow achiohsnap, I'm proud to call you my sister! :D Thanks for the amazing advice--I could have used a voice like yours when I was rushing and wondering why some houses cut me.

If you see yourself in that place and that place only...why would you take something else, taking someone's spot who might be more whole heartedly "into" the other group, and therefore a more productive member for them? If I hadn't gotten Alpha Gam, I would have tried to COB in the spring. I felt like I had to suicide, because I didn't want to take a spot in Chi O meant for a girl that was totally in love with Chi O (I mean, theoretically assuming I would have gotten a bid, which of course I don't know...and I still thought they were really awesome, but they weren't "home").

Sometimes people just get skipped over...it doesn't mean their favorite house doesn't like them. It's partially a numbers game...and one girl might be a really great girl, but she didn't bring her "A" game on the first night and got cut because her personality didn't show. After a semester on campus, she might have a better chance. Yeah, there's the risk of getting cut again, but it might be worth the risk.

during rush at FSU, PNMs have to go to ALL events their invited to, or they get automatically dropped completely. is it not like that elsewhere?

Some schools do this, but some do not. The problem comes when a woman keeps saying she doesn't want to go back to a chapter, they keep inviting her back and there's no way for them to know (unless she's straight up rude) that she really doesn't want to be there.

Would it be considered rude for the woman to tactfully say something like "This seems like a great house, but I really don't feel like I fit in here."? Otherwise, if she's being blatantly rude so as to not get invited back, other houses (that she does want) are going to hear about it.

Put yourself back during rush.

Now think about how you would feel if a rushee said that to you. No matter how nicely she said it, I think you would be upset and say OMG WHAT A BIA!!

I never had that happen during rush, but when I went to hand out a COB bid (we tried to do them personally), I had a girl tell me that she didn't think our house was for her, and I was like "Cool, see ya around". I guess it just didn't bother me, because I know ASA isn't for everyone.

No PNM ever thinks that unless they think the house is not good enough for them. So it would be a pretty transparent remark.

I really don't think it means "you're not good enough for me"

I know I didn't fit in to several houses on my campus. I really only had two houses out of five that I would have considered a bid from after recruitment. I dropped the other ones because I didn't fit there. But I didn't think so highly of myself that they weren't good enough for me. I just knew I wouldn't be happy there and why accept a bid someplace you don't want to be? Why be sisters with people you don't seem to like?

I think everyone should just try to keep in mind that it's good PR all the way around to behave as if the group and the girl like each other.

The girl represents her future chapter well, and the group shows good manners and hospitality.

Maybe that's something that recruitment advisers and greek life could emphasize during rush.

They could sort of say:

We know as PNMs that you aren't going to like all the groups equally, but we've set up the system to create the greatest possibility that you will have a chance to join a group. Sometimes it might mean attending a party for a group that you don't think you want to join.

Everyone knows this occasionally happens. Keep in mind that when you join your future group, girls you meet at other chapters will still remember how you acted and the interest and respect you showed for their groups. Help strengthen Greek Life generally by being a well mannered and friendly guest at every party that you attend.

Umm...there are some reasons beyond people's control.
I had people tell me straight up that I was dropped because of:

Major (against engineers)
Hyper Involved in campus (they thought I could not make the time)
Accomplishments (nothing said "social" and not "geek")

The common one was that I didn't fit the personality of the house, which was true for all of them (I felt the same way). The reason why I asked was basically because I had interviews for internships and wanted to know where to improve.

Funny thing was that after the whole process was done, a lot of those girls I talked to during Rush then friended me on Facebook.

*engineering has a GPA around a 2.7-.8 overall, whereas the all-women's is 3.3-3.4....which is why they cut a lot of engineers no matter their current GPA.

All these girls then started inviting me to all these different things and they were pretty chill. They were right about me not fitting the personality of houses, even I knew that.

Just come to the truth that if you don't fit the house, you don't want to be there.

Things happened just right for me, a new group came to campus. The only reason I joined was because I loved the girls who joined. It is really a sorority of girls who fit my personality, the one that was missing on campus.

If it is meant to happen, it will!

wow
 

OP, I think thats a little nasty.. like people have said, so much can happen and your experience depends on so many different things... and different schools have completely different recruitments, if you go to a rinkydink school then the rush is probably easier. being cut definitely DOES NOT WHATSOEVER mean you don't have qualities that stand out. My sorority has cut so many amazing women based on the mere fact that we can't take EVERYONE we like....so how can you pass a judgement on all pnm's who got dropped? How do you even know? and even if you felt that way, why be nasty and start a thread about it?

I'm going to assume that you're new, based on your Join Date.

If you've been around here long enough, you'll know that James' posts aren't usually meant to be nasty. IMO, he likes to take a 'devil's advocate' stance -- which usually gets on the nerves of many here. Even though I may not agree with him most of the time, I find that kind of attitude refreshing, especially in the Recruitment forum. There's too much blowing sunshine up the ass here, it's disgusting. PNMs and their parents should know that they should keep things realistic -- even if those who keep it real get labeled as nasty bitches by the Recruitment nazis.

Also, take notice that this thread was started back in 2003. I was around back then, but I can't remember what was going specifically as far as rush threads go. Something back then may or may not have prompted him to start a thread like this.

There are lots of other nastier threads on GC. If you're going to participate in discussions, you might want a thicker skin.